Relationships and Happiness Blog 5

In my previous relationship, I sought the acceptance/ validation from my significant other rather than have her know and understand me. I did this, while under the impression that by giving her too much of my inner self and getting her to know my deepest secrets and moments of darkness, I would have granted her access to the most intimate information about me. At the time, I trusted her, but not enough to reveal to her my life in the making. Now, I understand that this was a mistake. I should have told my previous partner everything about myself so that she could have a deep understanding of my character and therefore understand my thinking. If I had opened more of me to her, we would have probably not encountered some of the troublesome moments we had.

The relationship went beautifully for the almost-two years that it lasted. Despite the short amount of time our schedules allowed us to share, we managed to fit ourselves into each other’s lives. At times one or the other would have to sacrifice some things of need or desire. The amount that each would sacrifice would be just enough to allow happiness rather than resentment for the sacrifice of our needs. At times I would feel the necessity to see her, so I would go to her house right after school and forget about all of my other school, family and personal responsibilities. This was a sacrifice that I would have to cope with in order to allow for the spending of time with her. Although I made this sacrifice and many similar to it, she also went out of her way to make me happy by merely coming to see me. The mutual interest for one another’s happiness and will to sacrifice things of importance equally made the relationship last and become one with evenly shared roles of responsibility. Unfortunately, our loving relationship failed to endure the extreme sacrifice we were faced to make after she moved away to college in Geneseo. When she moved away to college, I started my Aviation Maintenance internship with Delta Airlines. At this point every aspect of our relationship became ever more difficult. We attempted making up for the distance with lengthier phone calls and video chat online, but it just was not enough to compensate each other’s absence. The relationship ended not from a lack of love, but from an over exhausted sacrifice for each other.

At this point, now 11 months after the end of the relationship, I feel in the need to pursue another relationship. This time, after what I’ve learned from my previous encounters with love and the readings from Ben Shahar, I shall commit myself to the establishment of a lasting and meaningful connection with someone. The love we all seek is what we see as ideal. But it is not as easy as to say you’ve found the perfect person. As Ben Shahar states in the chapter Happiness in Relationships, “the mistaken notion that finding love guarantees eternal bliss leads partners to neglect the journey- the day-to-day issues, activities, and events that shape the relationship”. As stated, this means that happiness in a relationship will not begin upon finding the ideal person, but rather cultivating their personality and character, learning about them, worshipping the other person’s core self and enduring the journey towards the ultimate currency.